I’ve been dealing with a lot of changes and challenges in my life. Some of them were thrust upon me by various events, some of them were a consequence of my own hopes and dreams that demand I take certain steps in certain ways. Accompanying every one of these steps is a nagging feeling, a whisper, a string that holds me back. Worry.
Will I be good enough? Will this lead me to where I want to go? Will I ever reach my goal? Will I be happy once I do? Will I lose too much on the way to get there? What will happen to me, to my friends, to my family? What will I need to sacrifice? What will I be able to gain? Is this really what I want? Isn’t there another way, another goal, another future?
Always doubting myself, my abilities, my thoughts, my dreams, but also always questioning the world around me.
I’d like to call myself a realist but perhaps pessimist is befitting my personality more. While I do have times at which I am optimistic about my own person, about my future, my abilities, the strength of my friendships and family ties, there are also often times at which I worry about everything, however small or insignificant it may appear to other people.
Not too long ago, I broke up a relationship and shortly after began a new one. It took me a long time to get over my worries (Will I hurt this person too much? What if this is a mistake? What if we just need more time?) and face the fact that my relationship had no chance of lasting. Only shortly after getting together with my current partner, I realised that I had made the correct decision. It just felt… right.
I wouldn’t be me, though, if that had stopped me from worrying. A new challenge can come every day. My current challenge arrived not so long ago.
The thought of moving in together. After such a short time? Is that really a good idea? What if our relationship isn’t strong enough to withstand the stress that comes along with looking for an apartment, with moving out of a place that we call our own into a place that we would have to share with another person?
Everyone has their own worries. Everyone has their own history and circumstances that influence the way they think, the way they speak, and the way they do certain things. I have my worries. My partner surely has his own.
If we let ourselves be held back by those worries, though, nothing would ever move forward. We would never make new experiences. We would never get to feel this thrill that accompanies decisions that can change our life. If we worry too much about the horrible things that could happen were we to fail, we would never be able to experience the joy that comes along with positive achievements. Sometimes, you have to be brave and face the worries. Or move on despite them. Some things you can talk about, some things will become clear with time.
Life’s too short to worry. I challenge myself to stop worrying. It’s time to move forward.
This was written in response to The Daily Post’s prompt “No Time to Waste“.